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There's a rumor going around Tucson that I used to be a Porn Star. It started as a joke and just blossomed into it's own little world.

If you've ever hung out in a downtown coffee shop, in this case The Shot In the Dark Cafe, you're familiar with scatter-brained people that need someone to talk at. My reaction is to not engage them at all while remaining civil. I especially dislike conspiracy nuts and usually leave before getting rude. A lot of people treat them as sport, but I can't help but feel sorry for the wrong paths taken to get to that state.

I was moving boxes of my sculptures into a show at one of the local arts organizations in the Downtown area when Tig Collins, the Director of Art Fare, introduced me to her son Preston. He was one of the people I'd avoided at the Cafe and I wanted as little to do with him as possible. Tig left, and Preston commented that my name sounded like a good one for a porn star. In my best 'I-don't-have-time-for-this voice' I told him that yeah, I used to be in that business but I had to get out. That got him going and he wanted to know why. Switching to a voice angry over lost chances, I told him I had been on the set with a porn star named 'Long Jean Silver'. I explained that, for reasons unknown to me, one of her feet had been amputated and the fold of skin sown around the stump made it look like a large penis. Which she proceeded to use, as such, on both guys and girls. Sounding a little lost, I told him that after seeing that I couldn't get it up any longer and had to leave the business. Then I told him he could probably find her on the web, and went on with my moving. 'LJS' goes back to the film days of porn. I had only seen a blurb about her somewhere, but it stuck in my mind and I was sure there'd be something for him to find.

The next time I saw Tig I told her about what I had done, and that if she wanted to correct the record it was fine by me. I told a couple of other people around the same thing, but no one told Preston. When he saw the stuff on the web he was convinced I was the real deal. Six months later Tig gave me a call to help her husband build some rails that were going along the sidewalk to separate the Art Fare series of buildings from local foot traffic so they could put out tables and chairs. I told him about the Porn Star story and said if he wanted to tell Preston it was a joke that was OK.

Five months later I go into the Cafe for coffee and there's a bit of a line, but Dave, one of the co-owners, tells me , loudly, that he has to ask me a personal question. I said something about being put on the spot, but there were enough customers that I went over to check my e-mail after getting a coffee. A couple of minutes later Dave comes over and kneels my me whispering what I think is; "Were you ever inborn?" After a couple more tries I realize he's asking if I've ever been in Porn, and I explode laughing. Preston had told Emma, who works in the kitchen, about my "past" and she ran to Dave to see if it was true. I hadn't told anyone in the cafe about the joke, and a year had gone by, so I had to explain it all over again. Maybe about thirty people know it's a gag, and I get some strange looks from some of the scruffier stoners around.